A week of turmoil, considered
Someone who I think very highly of once told me that going through a healing process like the one I’m undergoing now is kind of like a tunnel.
It’s dark, it’s scary and you aren’t sure of the light at the end is the way out or just another train coming right at you.
And that’s terrifying.
But when you realize the light is there and you are making progress towards it, well, that’s the ultimate goal of life, no? Just to be happy and enjoy the light?
So, in this season of healing, I can tell you that I woke up today and felt exhausted from a long week, yet I had a solid energy about me. I got the house cleaned Saturday morning and prepped for a late night of shuttling my daughter and her friends around to my daughter’s 18th birthday celebrations tonight.
I mentioned to you, dear readers, that tunnel. Well, it turns out it only feels like it will go on forever – and that feeling fades. How does that happen? Doing good things for yourself, for one.
I have been asked where my parents have been in all this. Truth be told, I have a slightly fractured relationship with them. They each live in distant locales far away and don’t visit, so there’s not much relationship to speak of.
Sure, my dad checks in and my mom asks how the kids are doing, but I gave up looking for parental support of any kind years ago.
So, I turn to my close friendships and my loved ones when the darkness threatens to waltz in around 5 p.m. in the wintertime, and that has helped me. I lean on my daughter’s impressive rookie season on the John Abbott College hockey team as a salve when I am feeling low, but I did want to share something with you all that has helped me immensely as I look to heal and turn my light back onto the world.
Meditation helps so much!
I know, I know.
That hippie stuff? For real?
For real. I closed my eyes and existed in the void of nothingness for about 20 minutes, picturing only endless black emptiness. Then, after that, I spent another 15 minutes with my eyes closed and picturing the smiles of my loved ones and happy dogs – and that was a real game-changer for me.
That meditation allowed me to clear my head and put all that was running through my brain to rest – and my goodness, what a feeling.
I have an incredibly sore right shoulder so that means today’s workout will be all legs, and nothing but legs for an hour. I loathe leg day, but I know my legs will love me when I’m sitting at my son’s basketball game and my daughter’s hockey game.
Working legs has many benefits, not the least of which is that it makes everything else stronger for some reason. Barbell back squats and deadlifts engage the upper body as well.
But the most important aspect of training legs for me is stability.
A few years back I tore my quadriceps muscle and after the surgery, I have a lot less mobility and stability in the knee. Skating and playing hockey are, unfortunately not in the cards for now, but all this training will have a benefit when I sign up to play flag football in the summertime.
Changing directions – and your ability to do it quickly – are of great benefit in that game.
As we continue this year without sugar, I’m reminded that I have love in my life and it makes me stronger than anything. That’s why I’m going to give everything I have in an hour at the gym.
So, then I can give everything I have to the people in my life. Because they deserve that.