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  • Writer's pictureMarc Lalonde

Bruce Willis was right about f#$%-ing mayonnaise on hamburgers and other thoughts on pandemic TV

July 13 is the date. Normally, at this time of the year, North American cinemas would be rife with moviegoers and summer blockbuster season would be in full swing. This year, of course, is different because idiots in the United States decided to not listen to public health officials and simply made the easy, instant-gratification decision to re-open their states and cities without conditions and now, the virus has taken hold and is expanding its reach across the United States with incredible speed and exponential spread.

That leaves North American media consumers with two choices: spend time with their friends and family and enjoy lively conversation, social time and fresh air…


Alternately, you can just glue yourself to the TV and watch old movies, documentaries and go through old Netflix dreck like B-level horror movies and old Reese Witherspoon comedies. I mean, I have an idea which way most of you are going, but we’ll assume that at least a small percentage of people area attempting to stay physically active.

I’m among those people but I have to say that I enjoy nothing more than a nice, long TV-watching stretch of time after a brutal workout. Food and TV are both a hundred times better after a workout than not. The satisfaction of chilling out and replenishing my energy stores are really, incomparable in my book.

And it is my book, so.

I’ve seen some great stuff lately, and some really bad stuff. I’ve rediscovered a few old favorites and – and this is my most pleasant surprise of all – I’ve been entertained while learning a little something at the same time.

Parks and Recreation (Amazon Prime): Simply some of the greatest and most resonant characters in TV history. Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson bring the sleepy hamlet of Pawnee, Indiana to life and the writing on the series might be the best since the Simpsons run of 92-98, and I highly, highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already.

The Netflix documentary the Greatest Events of World War II in full colour (Netflix) has taught me a lot more about what I thought I knew about World War II, and with interviews with history scholars and fantastic narration, history has never been so fascinating.

Good Boys (VOD) is the laugh-out-loud comedy about three sixth-graders who come into possession of a backpack full of stolen drugs and who embark on one last adventure together before the inevitable parting of the ways as they go their separate ways in junior high and high school, like many such relationships. There’s some salty language and subject matter as well, so if your kids are around these kids’ ages or younger, you may wanna save this for after-bedtime laughs.

Friday Night Lights (VOD, Netflix) in this instance refers to the 2004 film directed by Peter Berg and starring Billy Bob Thornton, based on H.B. Bissinger’s 1988 seminal book of the same name. It’s based on a true story and tells the tale of the hold high-school football has on life in Texas ion a way that makes you consider your own mortality. For these kids, whose lives and dreams will likely have peaked at 17, nothing waits but ‘babies and memories,’ in the great land of adulthood beyond. It’s bittersweet and tragic all at the same time. In addition, it boasts one of the best sports-movie endings of all time.

The Kissing Booth (Netflix) This shit is cute. It’s a nothing high-school movie but the two leads –Joey King and Joel Courtney as a pair of will-they-or-won’t-they best friends who fall in love in the cutest of ways. Yup. It’s schmaltzy. I like schmaltz. Sue me.

Game of Thrones (HBO, VOD) Have you guys heard of this one? It’s got dragons and shit.

Bad Blood (Netflix) The Montreal-based organized-crime series based, at the beginning on real-life events and people, stars Kim Coates as the consigliere-turned kingpin of Montreal’s mob scene. It’s fun to see Montreal portrayed as itself on the big screen, and even better when the entire premise of being there has nothing to do with mayonnaise-on-hamburger jokes. Seriously, though. Why the F%^& do people put mayonnaise on hamburgers, anyway?

Bruce Willis was right about that.

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1 komentarz

30 mar 2021

In my book, Mayonnaise does belong on cheeseburgers. I put ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard on my burger, and hot dog. You shouldn't be so quick to judge, it's delicious 😋

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