I had one of those hard days the other day. I mean, I woke up with my stomach doing flip-flops and I dressed up nice and proper in my grumpy pants. I was out for blood, but a chance evening meeting with an old friend was exactly what the doctor ordered for my psyche.
On my way to my daughter’s hockey game, I stopped at Amir to pick up a shish taouk sandwich with chicken, lettuce, tomatoes and hot sauce. Much hot sauce. There can never be enough hot sauce.
But I was feeling really GOOD, but what caught my eye and tempted me was the shelf at the counter piled high with dessert baklava, which is AMAZING. The result was my very first twinge of impulse to jump on something indulgent since I started my year, but I CBT’d my way through that shit.
CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or the idea that you can think your way through oft-destructive impulses. Why do I feel this way? What’s making me crave sweets? Is something else happening?
And HOLY CROW IT FRICKIN’ WORKED
I used to tell my therapist it didn’t bit the truth of the matter is that I may finally be becoming an adult.
What fun.
I reminded myself it was late in a very snowy, cold January and that I was feeling the years go by because my daughter tuned 18. I started to sing myself my favorite 'feelings' song – it’s Landslide (The Chicks version), so shut up.
And wouldn’t you know, the urge passed. I realized I was feeling a little emotional, a little tired and a little bit pathetic.
But, I managed to get through it with my year without sugar remaining intact.
WORKOUT NOTES
As my tummy that I gained during my period of self-destructive eating habits has waned, abdominal exercises have become more de rigueur, because, well, I can actually DO the exercises again. So today was abs and legs AGAIN, because my right shoulder is bugging me.
There was a time where that fact would have made me feel shameful, but I think it’s important to put out there for people. I was ashamed because I was too fat to do certain abdominal exercises and that begat worse eating.
No more shame. No more self-flagellation via delicious baked goodies.
So I’m down a pretty miraculous 31 pounds since this thing started and I cannot believe the changes in my body from one day to the next.
It’s absolutely phenomenal.
Since that evening at Amir, I haven’t had even a remote urge to fill any kind of hole inside of me. I am loved. I am respected and I am heard.
And that goes for each and every one of you, as well, dear readers.
After all, I have love in my heart and it makes me stronger than anything.