I have Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) which can be a superpower but also puts me in a position where I often have to try to live in a neurotypical world that tempts my admittedly-high levels of impulsivity on a daily basis.
The fact of it is, the more tired, emotional, or stressed out I am, the more susceptible I am to those most base impulses that comfort me.
I’ve come close to being broken in my quest for a year without sugar – the other day in Plaza Pointe Claire, of all places. Those in the know will probably understand that it’s a mall in transition, with some empty storefronts and that, in that instant, made me sad.
I was already upset by some other things that had happened a few minutes earlier, so my resistance to my impulses was at its lowest.
I was with my son, and as we walked from one end of the mall to the other – from the TD/Canada Trust branch to the grocery store at the other end of the mall – it was impulse central.
First, the pharmacy had a massive display of very tempting Easter chocolate, its golden foil calling to me from the interior of the store, but I fought the temptation to give into sugary treats. That sustained me until we walked past it and towards the Swiss Vienna Pastry bakery, home to the very best eclairs in the universe and a favorite of mine from childhood.
I kept right on walking, despite every part of me wanting to stop in and devour six to eight of those ridiculously good pastries, and steps after I managed to avoid the siren song of the bakery, I came face to face with the candy store that is home to all manner of delicious candy, including jujubes.
Oh, how I love those jujubes. I could eat a million of ‘em. And I have. They’re so delicious.
The colours, the texture, the chewiness of them all.
Oh, man. So good.
Then, we arrived at the grocery store and on my right when I walked in was the fresh-baked section of temptations. Mille feuilles, cookies, brownies and cakes.
I am proud to say I walked past them all. I didn’t give in and I’m very, very pleased with myself. In this season of healing, I recognize this was a triumph for me.
The only thing I said to myself was ‘I’m not doing that anymore.’
And you know what? I haven’t. Since that moment, the cravings have been fewer and further between and I’m through almost two and a half months in my year without sugar.
No treats, no brownies and no chocolate.
Good Lord. What have I done?
I kid, I kid.
Sort of.
I’m still here and I’m still going sugar-free. I only hope I can continue. I am determined to do so.