The season of healing
There are a lot of things in life we don’t have the courage to handle – even into our adult years. Heck, I’m 46 years old and there are still things that scare me.
But I’m done letting fear and anxiety rule my life and I’m embarking on a fun project that I hope will inspire others and myself to continue to work toward great physical and mental health.
This blog has largely been dormant for some time now.
Why’s that, you might ask?
Reasons of my own – not the least of which was the pandemic and its immediate aftermath, where I was so singularly focused on my own tenuous mental health that I simply didn’t have the energy to speak my truth to the world.
That was to my, and to my loyal readers’ (all thirteen of ‘em) collective chagrin.
Fast forward to 2023 and it’s been an interesting couple of years. I’ve been working steadily as a trainer, mostly with senior clients (who, I have to say are a blast to coach. They listen, they’re engaged and they see the most dramatic results the fastest) and working as a journalist, publishing with kahnawakenews.com.
Kahnawake is a great place to work and a wonderful community to cover. If you haven’t visited, I highly recommend doing so. It’s a unique, vibrant community that has to be experienced to be truly appreciated.
In the time since my last blog post, however, I have had some past trauma come up and get in the way of my integral being.
My emotional eating issues that surrounded that past trauma came to the forefront and I spent a lot of the last 12 months trying to solve those love and trust issues I have by satisfying myself with food. Binge eating at night, hiding the wrappers of the junk food I’d consumed because I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of how I fit in the world, and mostly, ashamed that I’d never told anyone about that trauma.
In the last 12 months, I put on 60 pounds and I was damn near suicidal. I was so far into my own head and had that head so far up my own ass that I took the easy way out and hid behind the food – and guess what? It made me loathe myself even more. Amazing how that happens, isn’t it?
So, I decided to make the winter of my discontent become my season of healing. Letting go of past traumas and things that scare me have become my raison d’etre. This has been a rough winter and I suspect it’s just getting rolling. But I’m in a great place and I really hope you all will join me on this journey.
On the plus side, my training regimen has remained good. I still go the gym seven days a week and have been for many months. Those good habits now feel so much easier to keep up.
Well, people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and you never know which it is – and often the reasons are unclear, but when you run into someone inspiring, you owe it to them to be inspired.
I am incredibly inspired in a way I cannot begin to describe, and it’s all because of one little thing I cut out of my life.
That thing is sugar.
No candy, no garbage, no cookies, no sweets, no candy bars, no garbage of any kind going into my body for a year. I’m 4 weeks in and I feel incredible.
And I am. At press time, we are January 23, 2023. How apropos: 23-1-23. A perfect palindrome.
All through fall, I gradually put on more and more weight until I barely recognized myself. My joints hurt, my mood was crappy and I was exhausted. My nightly dog walks became shorter and shorter until I just didn’t even want to do them anymore. And forget sports. I couldn’t even run down the street, let alone run in a competitive environment.
As my emotional eating continued throughout the year, I made excuses for the decline of my health. ‘Oh, I’m old,’ I said. ‘Oh, I’m just overdoing it, I said,’ and I ignored the root cause of the sugar consumption, which was my fear of coming to grips with childhood abuse and the fear of letting others in on that secret.
Keeping my demons hidden only gives them power and now, they are out in the open. They have affected my life, my relationships and my self-esteem. This January – despite the lack of sugar in my body – I have felt like an exposed nerve. My nerve endings are on fire and I cannot hide behind my hurt and pain anymore.
It was unhealthy.
So, dear readers, I invite you once more along with me as I go through the ups and downs of a year without sugar – which researchers say is right up there with heroin and tobacco as the most addictive substances on the planet.
Join me in this season of healing – for a lifetime.
I’ll be starting podcasts on this site as of February 1, and we will discuss all manner of mindsets, healing, training, coaching and even love. Videos will soon follow. I’m looking forward to interacting with each and every one of you!